ARIES – March 20 – April 19
You can expect positive change this month, Aries! Get in touch with your deep, passionate desires. Your innermost cravings. What stirs your very being, down to the last molecule. Bo’s warm potato salad!
TAURUS – April 20 – May 20
Taurus, you will find energy and passion that’s well balanced! Expect some extra charisma while talking to strangers, so you can just go ahead and add 2 to any dice roll for charisma against a character you’ve yet to interact with.
GEMINI – May 21 – June 20
This month, you’ll probably feel a buildup of tension, Gemini. It’s important not to blow up at friends or family, so try and let off some steam at the Emily Vay & Mickey Green show at Bo’s on Sept. 26th. Dancing’s good for that!
CANCER – June 21 – July 22
This is the month for bold choices, Cancer. You’ll be able to express yourself fully, feel liberated, and finally prove to the world that you are your own person! That is… if you can decide which bold outfit most represents you.
 LEO – July 23 – August 22
Leo, don’t freak out. You may want to act more impulsively than usual, and that’s ok, but don’t do it alone. If you’re gonna impulse buy tickets to Tokyo Police Club at Bo’s September 13th, make sure you grab some for the gang.
VIRGO – August 23 – September 22
Virgo! You will gain strength! Your power will feel unlimited! You will grow beyond your wildest dreams! The puny insects who once stood in your way will crumble before your mighty… uh *cough* yeah, September will be cool
LIBRA – September 23 – October 22
Keep an open mind this month, Libra. You could make a new discovery… awake, or in a vivid dream! Watch for a bright blue pyramid with a weasel’s face and heed its words. Or you may just find a new shortcut to work!
SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21
Things are looking good, Scorpio! Yup. That’s… that’s about it. You know what they say, the best thing to do with a good mood is share it! Hit up the 2nd Annual Music 4 MS at Bo’s, Sept. 28th, and share a little positivity!
SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21
Sagittarius, you’re not getting off easy. You’ll have to work hard this month to get things exactly how you want them. Prove yourself! This is a serious one! Keep grinding it out, and maybe you’ll get a joke next month.
CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19
Capricorn. You will achieve inner calm. You will realign your gyroscopes, you will regain the efficiencies promised in the development stage. You will become the internet. You will transcend biology.
AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18
You’ll experience disruptions this month, Aquarius. You will become erratic, but this is merely an expression of your true self. Basically, if we can’t handle you at your September, we don’t deserve you at your October! Dig?
PISCES – February 19 – March 19
Pisces, if it feels like people are deliberately standing in your way and opposing you, it’s true! Short people deserve front row for Micah Erenberg, Sept. 29th at Bo’s. Beep beep! Short fish, coming through!