Horoscopes

ARIES – March 20 – April 19
Lucky you, Aries! A positive financial change is on the way this month. April will be kind to you, so make sure you are kind to you as well. Try focusing on the little things, like extra cheese on pizza. You can afford it!
TAURUS – April 20 – May 20
April is a month you need to rely on old friends, Taurus. When you need support, old friends are the foundation you can build on. Like a good marinara. Wait, this metaphor got lost. Please don’t pour a marinara foundation.
GEMINI – May 21 – June 20
Focus on yourself this month, Gemini! You’ve been letting peoples’ opinions influence you for too long, and April is the time to tune in to yourself! Kick back, put your energy where you want it, and don’t ask anyone before ordering anchovies!
CANCER – June 21 – July 22Cancer, hard work is coming your way but don’t worry! Support from friends is coming as well. So if you have the support, the work isn’t that hard anymore… right? So what’s the lesson here? Huh. I guess just hang out with your friends.
 LEO – July 23 – August 22
Time to make long range plans, Leo. Sure, you’ve got tonight’s pizza order all figured out, but what about next week? Give future-you a treat by ordering a pizza for delivery a week in advance! Next week, surprise pizza!
VIRGO – August 23 – September 22
Do not over-commit yourself financially, this month. New luxuries will be very tempting, Virgo, but remember what you already possess. Basically, the premium toppings aren’t worth it. Especially since you have all that feta already.
LIBRA – September 23 – October 22
Fun is the most important thing, Libra! It’s April, so put all that serious stuff in the back of the pizza oven. Spring is for frolicking, pedestrating, canoodling, and other fanciful things. That is, unless you’re a professional canoodler. Then it is serious.
SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21
Try to be more health conscious for April, Scorpio. I know everyone else has been getting pizza tips, and it seems like that’s definitely what your author’s been thinking about all week, but honestly pizza’s just not that healthy. Drink more water maybe?
SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21
Don’t live in the past! Look to the future! April is your springboard, Sagittarius! I mean, it just makes sense, right? We can’t move backwards in time so why worry about it? Let bygones be bygones. Sure, I ate all your leftover pizza, but that was the past!
CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19
Focus on your home and property, Capricorn. April is a month for homebodies. Take the time to clean thoroughly, but if you can’t, try to organize. If that’s too much, just a little tidy is alright. OK, please at least throw away those pizza boxes.
AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18
Hey Aquarius, order a large pepperoni, bacon, mushroom, green pepper and call me when it arrives. No really, that’s honestly what the stars say! Oh and… Venus says go easy on the sauce.
PISCES – February 19 – March 19
Your work pays off, Pisces! Commit to building the life you want. Whether that’s starting a new project, moving into a new house, switching careers, or making pizza at home, your dedication inspires us all! Can you toss me a slice, pal?